You can save your marriage!!!!
We at hopeofmarriage.com are determined to try to inspire you and others, in the same time we firmly believe that there is hope for your marriage.
Just do not give up!!!!
"Where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
First of all let me wish you a warm welcome and thank you for taking the time and read this blog post. If you are here reading this post it means that you are interested in a happy and balanced marriage or relationship which is good, but searching for something is not enough on it`s own. It is a great start but you need commitment and self sacrifice as well to be ready to act and fight for your relationship. I really hope that today you will find something interesting and inspiring in this post or in the other ones. I do want to encourage you to browse around and read our posts from different topics. If you like this post or the others please feel free to subscribe to our site, like/share this post so others can see as well. By doing it you will contribute so we can reach as many people as possible and hopefully help as much as we can. It is very important to share inspiring and helpful thoughts because you never know when is going to help someone out there. Maybe that person is about to make a life changing decision and a little bit of encouragement will help him/her to decide in a positive way.
OK so let`s talk about the big question which can change your life/ your marriage forever. How can I have a balanced, happy and fulfilled relationship with my wife/husband? What is the secret? Let me tell you our story (from the last 25 years of marriage) and you can see how we ended up being happier than at the beginning of our marriage. When we got married (after 4 years of courtship roughly) we were madly in love. Everything was pink and we were floating 1 meter above the earth (as I usually say) It did not matter that I had no place of work or we didn`t have enough money to start our new life. We had each other and that was enough. And that`s not bad, actually it is good and it is how it should be in every marriage. But after a few hard years and after numerous arguments slowly- slowly we started to realise that love on it`s own will not be able to conquer the struggles and problems of every day life. Now let`s not forget as well that we started our married life in Romania and in eastern Europe that time was not the best place ( financially speaking) to start a marriage. Lack of a good job and money only made it worse and I can tell you that there were months when we really had to calculate and save every penny in order to get to the next salary. All these problems made our life really stressful and because we were most of the time stressed we argued a lot. Rarely happened that one or two days passed and we didn`t argue at all. I felt that this is not how we should live and I did realise that our lifestyle is wrong but like everyone else I ignored the warning signs and I hoped that tomorrow will be better. But it wasn`t at all, in fact it was getting worse and worse. Years have passed by and we decided to emigrate to Ireland. This was a big decision in our life and to be honest my wife was not really happy to move. Just to emphasize something here before I go further. All these years we were married and we had a lot of trouble, our relationship was ruined, but we never even think about divorce, neither of us. I think this was because how we grew up as well, the example we saw from our parents. That`s why I try to emphasize as much as I can how important it is the example-legacy you leave on your children. They will unwillingly imitate you and the example you show them. That`s why we can see in the statistics that those children who experienced divorce in their parents life, 85% of them will divorce as well.
But let`s go back to emigrating to Ireland. So first I decided to come alone to Ireland because I wanted to prepare our new life here. Find a job, find schools for our children , rent accommodation so-on so-on. After a few months my wife and the children joined me. But in these months I was alone I had a lot of time to think about a lot of thinks I did wrong in my life. I did realise that I miss my family a lot and I can not just take them as granted. There is a saying that "you only start to appreciate something when you lose it" and I have to tell you that it is absolutely correct. Fortunately I did not lose my family but that is not my merit but only the grace of God. So I started to think how can I do better in my marriage ? I even made a list once with all those thinks I want to do to make my wife happy. After a while I saw that my decision to make my marriage better did not go too well because I did not keep my promise to myself to do all those things I wanted to.
Because I forgot, or because I was lazy, or because I had to give up my pride , etc etc.
In the meantime I started to read the Bible and listen to some sermons from Paul Washer (american pastor) on YouTube. I knew a lot of things about faith and God because I grew up in a family where my parents were active members of a Reformed church, I even went to youth group for many years (that`s where I met my wife as well) but I wasn`t born again. So by reading the Bible and listening on these sermons I realized that my life as a husband and father is nothing close to what God expects me to be. So I studied more and to be honest I kind of forgot the plan I had to make my marriage better. I was more concerned about the fact that my life should be changed and I focused on that. After a few months I got saved I and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
This was the point where my life changed upside down. I mean everything in it. I saw every day how week and lazy I am. I saw that even if I make a promise 90% of the cases I will not keep it. (and that is a major problem in every marriage) But like I sad earlier I forgot completely the plan to make my marriage better because I was busy with my life. Now getting saved was only the first step, the following step was the journey of sanctification and that is the hardest part of being a christian. You will see every day how worthless you are alone and not able to live the life God expects you to live. But there is a beauty in it as well . Although you see your weakness and struggle with temptations every day, you also see that He is with you and He will never leave you on your own in the trouble of life. So I got closer and closer to Jesus and without any extra effort I just realized that my marriage is getting better and better. First I thought that it is only a coincidence but later I started to see the connection between the two. It is a tremendous connection and this is what no marriage counselor or therapist will tell you (unless he/she is christian) because they don`t know about it. But you might ask why would that affect my marriage? The answer is.... because before you wanted to make your marriage better, or you want to make your wife/husband happy but without making sacrifices which would cost sometimes your time, sometimes your pride, sometimes your truth. You don`t want to "expose yourself" too much because he/she might take advantage of you. All these things make your efforts worthless. Even if you try sometimes, 90 % of the cases it will not make any difference. But being a born again christian is different. You see ... let me put it this way. Even if you don`t make any effort towards your wife/husband (and I don`t say that you should not) and you only focus on your relationship with Jesus and you try to live a life that get`s you closer to Him, your marriage will became better and better by the result of that. Because by getting closer to him your life will change completely. You will not treat your wife/husband better because he/she deserve to be treated better, but because he/she is your wife/husband and Jesus said that you have to love your wife more than yourself.
She is a child of God and He promised to watch over His children vigorously. Now obviously there is a difference if your spouse is not christian or not a believer and that will make a bit harder for you but the goal is still the same. I wrote a blog-post about the difference between a christian marriage and a secular marriage, if you want to read it it explains a lot about these key differences. You can find it here.
Do you think it will be easy? No not at all. But at the end you will see that your marriage will get much better and both of you will be happy and fulfilled in your marriage.
Once I saw a movie where they explained the marriage as a triangle.
It is between you, your spouse and God . If you exclude God from your marriage you will see the results yourself. The question is not if it will happen but when will it happen?
I don`t say that there is no good marriage without God but I would like to see the statistics about this. And it`s not because christian people are better than secular people. Not at all. We are all sinners and we all make mistakes. But the difference is that a christian man/woman even if it does make a mistake, the minute he/she realizes what he`ve done he goes back to his wife and apologize to her. And he does that not because she deserves it, but because he has a commandment from Jesus to love his wife.
Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25-29
As I said earlier it is not easy and it was not easy for us either. Sometimes we do have arguments and everyone has arguments, but the difference is in the manner how you handle the arguments. Do you hold on to your truth? or sometimes for the sake of peace you will let it go. Are you ready to sacrifice your will sometimes? these things are not easy but I guarantee that it worth's every single step. I am happier than ever and the only thing I regret is that we spent many years trying to do better and we did not see the "forest because of the tree" as the saying says. I will finish here because I do not want this post to be too long. If you have any questions or comments please do not hesitate to contact us. If you like this post please like/share and subscribe. By sharing you will contribute and help us to reach as many people as possible. You can also chat with us by clicking on the chat icon at the bottom of the page. I will try to answer as soon as I can.
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We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. We wish you all a blessed day and we`ll see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .