Updated: Nov 22, 2020
Friends are great to have but sometimes they can influence you and that can cause problems in your relationship, or in some extreme cases even cause divorce. So where is the limit???
"Where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
So what should we do when our friends do not agree with our spouse???
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Let me tell you an example from our life and than you can decide yourself what is right or wrong. When we were freshly married we did have some friends but neither of us had like best friend since we were in primary school or something like that. But we still got plenty of problems and arguments. What kind of arguments???Let me ask you a question. Did ever happened to you that you were on your way home from work and one of your friend asked you if you want to drink a coffee or a beer or a drink? In that case scenario you have two options. Option number one is to tell your friend that you actually have to go home because your wife prepared the dinner and she`s waiting for you. In this case most likely your friend starts to mock you that you are under woman control and you have to be the man in the family so on, so on. Option number two is to go with your friend and take the risk of having an argument with your wife when you get home. In my case this was before I got saved and obviously I was too proud to tell my friends that I have to go home. I mean can you even imagine how disastrous would that be if they would believe that my wife controls me??? I mean a man can not lose his pride . At the end of the day I supposed to be the boss isn`t it??? So off I went with my friends several times and I did not care about my wife`s feeling and her effort to cook a family diner. I didn`t care that she was waiting for me to spend the evening with me. Was I clever??? No actually I was an idiot and unfortunately it took some time to realise that. But many times we had arguments about these kind of problems where out of my stupid pride I put my friends before my wife and unfortunately I was stupid enough to continue on for several years.
But what can you do than???
Well my friend I think that there is a reason why God said in the Bible (Genesis 2.24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh") that you should leave you father and mother and be one flash with your spouse. That means your wife/husband is the most important person on the face of the earth. Even more important than your children. Now if in God`s eye your wife/husband is more important than your parents and you children I think your friend does not even get close to them. So next time explain to your friend that your wife is waiting for you with the dinner or whatever other situation would be and if he does not understand it, well it means that he is not the best friend you thought he is. Because a good friend would never want you to get into an argument with your wife. Or sometimes (I saw this scenario as well) he/she does not have a great relationship with his/her spouse and than by envy they try to get you into trouble as well. People have the tendency to be envious when you have something what they don`t have. They do not want you to be different . If you are different you remind them that they lack something and that is not a great feeling. I ask you another question. Before I got saved I was a heavy smoker. When I quit smoking suddenly all of my friends who smoke wanted to offer me cigarettes. When I told them that I do not smoke and I quit, they started to mock me and they told me that my wife does not let me smoke and all that kind of nonsense. Why did they do that??? Because they do not want you to be different. They think that if you quit you are better than them. So the best you can do is to look at your wife/husband`s interest first all the time and do not care about these nonsense if your friends try to influence you. But this kind of problem is the easier one when we talk about friend issues.
The second and most dangerous issue may arise when young couples have these very close family friends.( I mean couple friend with couple) In our case fortunately we both saw that most of the time these friendships end up damaging the marriage. When I say damaging I mean they might end up getting into an affair with each other`s spouse. You can believe me that I saw this plenty of time and I can definitely say that there has to be some boundaries in these kind of friendships if you want to protect your marriage. That`s why in christian circles there are (and should be) some very severe boundaries when it comes to friendships. It happened with me after I got saved, that one of my friends (who is a secular person) asked me to go to his house and collect something for him. (obviously he was not at home when I went to his house) His wife was very surprised when she invited me in and I told her that if my friend is not at home I do not go into the house. She was like "come on don`t be silly" but I insisted that I will wait outside until she will bring that thing out what I had to collect. She did not understand my cautiousness, but in my opinion it is better to avoid getting into a problem, than trying to get out once you are in it. I do think that no man have nothing to do in his friend`s house if he is not present. You might say that I`m childish or whatever but better be cautious than sorry later on. Many times secular people will laugh at Christians because they do have these kind of boundaries, but interestingly between real Christians the divorce rate is so small that it is almost in-existent. Why??? Because they follow all the instructions given by God in the Bible and by doing it they will avoid getting into uncomfortable and shady situations which can cause arguments and problems, mistrust between spouses. So many times I heard from secular people that in the Bible there are only restrictions and if you become a Christian you will lose a lot, because of those boundaries. Those restrictions or boundaries (whatever you want to call it) are there to protect us from falling into sin (or else getting into trouble) If you have a baby child who starts walking and he will start to explore around the house, you will install baby gates all over the house. (at the stairs, near the cooker or open fire where is hot) Why do you do that??? To protect your child from getting into trouble. You would not like to see him crying or suffering because he fell off the stairs isn`t it? Well God does not like to see us getting into trouble and destroy our marriage and our children`s life by divorcing our wife/husband. He want`s to protect us and that is the reason why He set those instructions how to live your life as a Christian and how to avoid falling into the trap. You might feel that they are useless restrictions but we are surrounded by restrictions everywhere. If there is a dangerous cliff up in the mountains, there will be a fence and a sign saying "DANGER do not climb over". So why do you respect those kind of restrictions and you do not want God`s restrictions??? They are for your benefit. But let me get back to the question about what can you do as a secular person to protect your marriage and still keep friend couples? It is actually simple. Set up some severe boundaries and respect them no mater what. Like I gave you the example earlier on, DO NOT GET INTO YOUR FRIENDS HOUSE IF HIS/HER SPOUSE IS NOT AT HOME!!! Than again, avoid those questionable situations where being with your friend`s spouse is not appropriate. I can guarantee you that he/she will actually respect you for that. And let`s not forget that at the and of the day you will feel it when something you want to do is inappropriate, but unfortunately most of the time people have the tendency to shut down their conscience because they want to do that. They want to make their own decisions and live their life as they want, but than down the line they complain that their marriage is in bits and pieces, their children are savages and so on, so on. Than they ask so innocently "what did I do wrong???" Everything!!! That is the result of your stubborn nature and your selfish decisions what you took in the past. Because every decision you take will have a consequence later on. It will affect you and most likely your children as well.That`s why you have to be careful whenever you take a decision about your life or your marriage.
So are those boundaries helpful or not??? Please let me know in the comments what do you think or what is your opinion.
I will finish here and I hope that you found it interesting and helpful. If you want to see more of our videos and posts like this, you can subscribe to our site and YouTube channel or like/share this post so others can see as well, or if you want to contact us, do so and let us know your ideas or concerns. I will try to answer as soon as I can. You can contact us on email: email@example.com or on facebook https://www.facebook.com/hopeofmarriage or you can just click on the "let`s chat" button on the bottom of the page. We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. So we will ask you to be so kind and share this post so others can see as well. We wish you all a blessed day and see you in the next one. Attila and Julia .