Updated: Nov 22, 2020
We at hopeofmarriage.com are determined to try to inspire you and others, in the same time we firmly believe that there is hope for your marriage. Just do not give up!!!!
Hello everybody again .
In my last post I was writing about the 2 key elements for a successful marriage or else a happy marriage (if you are interested in that post please click on this link https://www.hopeofmarriage.com/post/the-two-key-ingredients-for-a-happy-marriage-or-successful-relationship ) I also placed an illustration photo about divorce,or otherwise marriage problems in Christian and other marriages . This was the photo I posted.
As I wrote in my last post this photo is based on statistics available online to anybody and ironically those statistics were made by secular government bodies or private law firms and marriage counselors/couple therapists. Maybe for some people this is kind of controversial or insulting so I decided to write a post about those reasons why a real Christian marriage has to be different ( I repeat IT HAS TO BE DIFFERENT) than other marriages like secular or mixed marriages. There is an explanation and I will try as hard as I can to explain in order to avoid misunderstanding. Please take the time and read till the end to get the full picture of it.
First of all to understand a Christian marriage you have to understand what it means to be a Christian.
A Christian person is who decided to accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior and Lord. This person has to realize that he is a sinner, he is not capable of anything good on his own, he deserves only condemnation, and the only reason why he can stand in front of God without being condemned to hell is the sacrifice of Jesus . Because he does realize this, he will want to live his life for Jesus and for his glory out of love. I mean if Jesus came down from heaven and he was ready to die on the cross to pay my dept in front of God, the least I can do is to try to please him with my lifestyle. For some people this might seem to be a big burden, but if you are born again these things are not a burden anymore. You will want to become like Jesus, live like him, speak like him. And this is a key element in this topic. Because if a Christian man/woman wants to become like Jesus he/she will have to act like him in certain situations. Let`s just have a look what the bible says about this. In Romans chapter 12 verse 18 says "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men."
In Hebrews chapter 12 verse 14 says " Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord " These are only two examples and we didn`t even mention how many times Jesus himself told us to love one another selflessly and not expecting anything back. But I think you got the point. So if a christian man/woman will find him/herself in a dispute/argument ( let`s not forget that in every marriage there will be disputes and many times these disputes will create huge issues if they were not handled correctly) he/she will have to try as much as he can to act in the same manner as Jesus would do. Even if he/she does not like it or doesn`t agree with it, he still has to act according to God`s will. And that`s where the difference is.
The most important commandment in the bible regarding this topic is in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25-33
This is again only one example and there are plenty of others in the Bible, but did you notice that God commanded to the man to love his wife (even if he has to sacrifice himself for her and let`s not forget that those times when this was written it did happen quite often that the husband had to defend his family with his own life) and in the same time in verse 33 He commands to the woman to respect his husband and in verse 22-24 to submit to him .(reverence=deep respect for someone or something)
So many times happened that I spoke with women (who has feminist mentality) and usually they are offended by this command . They think that this is degrading to a woman . But is it? If you think the whole picture not only this part,you will see a completely different image. It is very easy to submit yourself to someone if you know that he loves you more than his life. You have no problem to trust him even with your own life if you are absolutely sure that he loves you so much as it was commanded to him. There is authority around us all the time. We submit our-self to the government and to the country`s law we live. We submit our-self to our boss at work and I could continue on and on. There is authority in the Bible as well. Children has to submit them-self to parents, wife has to submit her-self to husband and husband has to submit him-self to Jesus. That`s the right order what we can see in the Bible.
Most likely there will be people who will say that even for Christians is not always possible and they are right . It`s not always possible to behave how we would like to but in the same time we have to try as hard as we can. And here I will show you another illustration about a christian couple.
The reason I would like you to look careful at this illustration is to understand the core of christian marriage. We can see a triangle and the husband and wife are at two corners of it and God is the third corner. What this illustration has to say is, that
"If you get closer to God you will get closer to each other. And the opposite as well, The further you are from God,the further you are from each other."
This is also called sanctification in your Christian life.
So it is true that it`s not always easy and there are bumps here and there but at the and of the day as a true Christian you must grow closer and closer to God so automatically you will grow closer and closer to your wife as well. That`s why I wrote in many of my blog posts that for Christians it is easier. But now we got to the second type of marriage, the Secular marriage.
In secular marriages the major problem is that they think more selfishly and there is no authority model there. In other words they live for them-self not for the other. It is always "ME" that it is important and not "US" . I had a conversation with a person who divorced recently, and he was complaining about their marriage problems and he did try to explain to me what led to divorce. Interestingly in a half hour conversation (I actually counted) he said 12 times "ME" or "I" . Than I asked him at the end ..."Did you realize that you said 12 times ME in this conversation? "I was not happy" " What about MY career?" "I wanted to go there " and so on so on .... Like I mentioned 200 times before, if you don`t stop thinking about ME and start thinking about US it will not end up good.
You have to stop acting selfishly and work on your marriage. Give without waiting something back.
The third kind of marriage is the mixed one(one christian and one secular person)
In this kind of marriage as we can see in the illustration the odds are a bit better but still there are severe problems and many divorce. Why??? Because as I wrote many times again "THIS IS A TWO WAY STREET" It will not work if only one person will actually try and the second will not. The biggest issue in these marriages is the mentality difference between the spouses. This is like try to bring your spouse to a rugby match and expect from her to enjoy it,when she hates every minute of it. I do not say that it is not possible, yes it is but with huge sacrifices from both sides. Unfortunately usually in these marriages there is a suffering part all the time. There is a reason why it is in the Bible "not to be unequally yoked".
Like I mentioned at the beginning of this post,all these information are available online and it is easy to find. I really hope that it was easy to understand why I think that there is a difference between these marriages. If you want to see more of our videos and posts like this, you can subscribe to our YouTube channel or like/share this post, or simply contact us and let us know your question or concerns. I will try to answer as soon as I can.
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I wish I can inspire others with my personal experience and I do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. I wish you all a blessed day and I`ll see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .