Updated: Nov 22, 2020
"There is always room for improvement "
"Where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
Who can actually help and save my marriage ??? You might ask yourself this question after you`ve tried everything (including marriage counselling ) and you feel kind of lost but hoping that sometimes it`s gonna be better. Maybe you are close enough to give up and just divorce, or maybe you just feel that your marriage is not the same like it used to be when you got married. There is always room for improvement, in your marriage in your personal, spiritual life and in your professional life as well. I really don`t understand people when I see that they are ready to invest time and effort and huge amount of money into their professional career, and in the same time they do not want to invest just time, love and self sacrifice into their marriage. Does that make any sense to you? Because it does not make absolutely no sense to me.
So let us talk about this million $ question today in this post and let me try to express my opinion. This post is targeting mostly Christian people, but if you are a secular person and you have an open mindset you can actually find interesting and helpful tips in it. So if you want please take the time and read it till the end.
Many times I wrote in my previous posts that if you are a Christian person or couple, solving marriage issues should be easier for you. I do not want to get involved again to explain why, if you did not read that post and you would like to, please click on this link.
But let`s not forget that christian people are also flash and bone like other people so it is difficult for them as well and let`s be honest we don`t do all the time what we`re expected to. But should we not take extra care when we talk about our marriage? Unfortunately I can see every day people who work so hard and learn in order to become better in their professional life, but in the same time when it comes to their marriage they tend to be lazy and careless. And than you ask yourself "Why is my marriage in ruins?" Let me tell you something from my personal experience. If you have marriage issues, do not try to find the fault in your spouse. Try to see your faults first and try to fix them as hard as you can. I will tell you some examples from our life. When we were freshly married I was always trying to justify my own faults and push the responsibility to my wife. I was trying to blame her more than myself. That is human nature(unfortunately) that we do not want to recognise our fault and we always try to blame others. We do like very much to point our finger towards others but once I heard a good example about this. It says "If you point your finger to someone else do not forget that one finger is pointed towards that person, but three is pointed towards yourself. So as soon as I got saved I understood that this kind of selfish mindset/lifestyle is not going to work out anymore. I did realise very fast that God expects me to see my fault first and not my spouses faults. Than, when I actually started to analyse my life and behaviour I got kind of shocked. (and believe me you would as well if you start analysing your life) Suddenly I saw that I am very impatient sometimes with my wife, I was selfish in many ways and I actually cared more about myself than my family. And this was only the beginning of the list of faults I discovered in my own life.
Let`s see in Luke 6.41-42 what does the Bible say about this?
41. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye?
42. Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite!
Not really nice isn`t it? So what is to be done than??? It is actually easier to say than do but if you are a Christian you will know very well deep inside what do you have to do.
You have to humble yourself and analyse your life and work on your own faults.
But sometimes we do have the tendency to forget that we owe God and Jesus Christ our life, our family and our children. We do owe him obedience and we do have to be careful, because God is loving God but in the same time He is a just God who does hate sin and disobedience. Sometimes Christians have the tendency to focus more on God`s love towards them and less on what we owe God and what is our responsibility. People like to think that they are in the centre of attention but let me shake you up a little bit here and let me tell you that without God you are a spec of dust in this universe and you got everything you have from Him. How easily He gave you, that easily He can take it from you. God does not owe you anything but you do owe Him everything you got. So stop your selfish mindset/lifestyle and start living a life what you are expected as a Christian. I am amazed when I see that some people will proclaim them-self as Christians but yet they live a life like they have nothing to do with Jesus. Than stop saying that you are a christian. You can live your life as you wish it is your decision. But you should remember that even though you say you are a Christian you are fully responsible for your decisions and if you ignore God`s instructions and commandments, you will have to bare the consequences down the line. Christians will have to face God`s judgement as well. People do not really like to talk about this topic because it is hurting their ears. They like to behave and believe like God needs them. Maybe it is uncomfortable for you to admit that God does not need you. You really like to hear that God loves you, but you do not want to hear that He does hate sin and disobedience. So if I would be you (as a Christian) I would start to read the Bible every day and analyse my life in the light of the Bible to see my faults and how can I defeat them? The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 13.5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you are disqualified.
Here is a great sermon to listen to if you want to examine yourself.
OK so we can agree that you need to check your life and examine your mindset, but how this is going to help your marriage to be better? I will ask you a question. Who created the institute of marriage? Who created man and woman? Don`t you think that if God created the institute of marriage He knows what has to be done to function properly? Who knows the most about BMW X5 car? Whoever designed it and built it. It is obvious is it not? Now if God knows most about marriage and He gave you specific instructions how to live your life and how to love your wife, don`t you think that you should kind of listen to Him? As soon as I understood this aspect and I started to work on my own life my marriage became better and better. Than you might ask . "what if my wife/husband will take advantage of me because I will love her unconditionally?" AS a Christian man/woman it`s not your job to worry about those things. You should do that because you are told by God to do it and not because he/she deserves it or not. You do it out of obedience towards God and you will see that God will reward you for that. Every instruction you need to make your marriage function like a charm it is in the Bible. You just have to take the time to read it and apply it to your own life. And let me make it clear now, that it will work only if you give in everything you`ve got. If you will go only half speed and you won`t take it serious it will not work. Love your God and His son Jesus Christ, obey to his commandments, love your wife/husband and trust in God. He can save your marriage, or He can make your marriage better and better "because there is always room for improvement" I really hope that you will understand my point and the reason I wrote this post in a little harsh tone, but I did it because I see many times people who call them-self Christians and yet they act like they have nothing to do with Jesus. And the worst in that is that they set a bad example and bad reputation about Christians. And believe me when I say that I would not like to stand in front of God at the last judgement and try to explain why I disrespected His name and his children.
So I will finish here and I hope that you found it interesting and helpful.
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We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. So we will ask you to be so kind and share this post so others can see as well. We wish you all a blessed day and see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .