Updated: Nov 22, 2020
At hopeofmarriage.com we would like to inspire you to fight for your marriage and do not give up!!!
"Where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
First of all I would like to welcome everybody and I really hope that today you will find something inspiring in this blog post.
Today I would like to write about proud attitude and it`s negative effect on our relationships or else marriages. Is there place for proud attitude in a marriage or not? Sometimes people do not even give hope to their marriages because of over excessive proud attitude. They think that they do good if they act or behave proudly but unfortunately the effect is contrary. Pride will damage relationships.
When we were freshly married (1995 -->) I did the same mistake for many years and I was wondering over these years why my marriage is not working out so well??? Until the point where I realized that my proud behavior and self concern made me act foolishly over and over again.
Let me explain what I mean about "acting foolishly". Most man will understand what I`m talking about and if they are honest they will admit that this is kind of a problem between us men. (definitely can happen with women as well)
But let me start with the fact that I did love my wife very much and I was happily married, but in the same time seeing all those bad examples of unfaithfulness made me wonder if I do the right thing showing my wife how much I love her. These days unfortunately you can see people cheating on their spouses everywhere around us and that can make you think if it is a good idea to "expose yourself" by showing your feelings to her. In my case I never observed any kind of concerning behavior but I still managed to convince myself that it will be better if I will keep my PRIDE and I do not show her my affection. I thought that if I do show her that I love her, I will be more vulnerable and she can take an advantage of me. I was hundred percent convinced that by not showing her my affection I will be absolutely safe from disappointment. But being young and inexperienced in these things is not an excuse of being foolish. What I didn`t realize was that by acting like that I will create suspicious thoughts in her and she will get confused. She did not understand my behavior and because our brain will function in "Pink and Blue " she was absolutely sure that I do not love her anymore.
( if you do not understand this "pink and blue" phrase please reed this blog post. https://www.hopeofmarriage.com/post/differences-between-man-and-woman-pink-or-blue ) So she thought that I do not love her anymore and because of this she started to be more distant for the same reason. ( not to be hurt ) And this will start a chain reaction which has no end. I`m acting weird because I want to protect myself and she is acting weird because of my weirdness. And so on, so on, so on....it goes. Than after a while all this will create jealousy, than jealousy will create arguments, arguments will escalate and you will say things you regret after that. Believe me when I say if you do not stop this kind of foolish behavior it is going to be only worse and worse not better.
Like I wrote in many blog posts there is a very important fact. Women need love (they need to feel it, to be sure that they are wanted by you) and man need respect. So all this hassle can be avoided if you stop acting foolishly and you won`t be afraid to show your wife how you feel. I know there are many people who have this problem and I also understand that it is easy to say but not that easy to do. Anyway trust me, it does worth to fight that pride and try to express your feelings more and more day by day. You will see that it is going to be better and better. When she will see and feel that you love her she will stop acting distant and jealousy will stop as well with time. My wife was unbelievably jealous until I changed my behavior, I did show her that I love her and I do not want any other woman.
She just needed that security, to be sure that I love her and I want her. You will see that if you decide to do these things your wife will react positively. And let`s be realistic here, it`s not a wonder that she want`s to be sure about your feelings because women have the same questions in their head like yourself. Is he faithful to me? Will he cheat on me if he has a possibility? SO on,so on...
If we talk about Christians this issue is not that serious. It still can be an issue but not as serious as in secular marriages. And I will explain why. The main reason why a Christian marriage will function differently is that the center of the marriage is Jesus Christ. (if you want to understand the difference between a Christian marriage and a secular marriage,please read this post.
First of all a Christian man or woman can not be proud. If you are a born again christian you will realize that there is nothing in yourself to be proud of. You will humble yourself in front of God. So you have to fight against your pride with everything you got. Secondly you will treat your wife/husband as you are requested by God. With Respect/Love. A Christian man/woman will realize that his/her spouse is a child of God and God loves him/her the same way as He loves all of his children. So if you have a little bit of wisdom in your nice little head you would not want to offend God by mistreating one of His children. In other words you will be careful how you behave not because you are so good behaving man, but because of fear/respect of the almighty God . Sometimes it could happen that you get angry on your wife or on your husband, but you still have to control yourself not because of her/him, but because God expects you to do so and you would not want to disappoint God. If you do not succeed and you do behave wrongly (it can happen as well) you will have to apologize as soon as you realize what you did (and you will realize by the work of the Holly Spirit through your conscience) At the end of the day that`s what is required by Jesus. As a Christian you want to live your life as Jesus. You want to be like Him and that requires a lot of humbleness and a lot of work. In other words Jesus is part of your marriage if you are Christian,so you have to act accordingly.
So that is the reason why it will be easier for Christians to deal with these problems. I do not say that a christian family will not have problems and issues along the way, but the difference is how you handle those problems. People usually have the tendency to think first on them-self and than on others (including wife/husband) and this is not possible with Christians. Imagine yourself how you would behave if a video camera was always attached to your head and someone would watch everything you do live. How would you behave than? Definitely you would control yourself better than you do when you are sure that no one see`s what you do or what you say. Now add to that a deep love and respect towards God and Jesus Christ and than you can imagine what i am talking about. If you have any question regarding this topic or something else please do not hesitate to contact us. I hope that you will find interesting this post and I hope that it will be helpful to someone out there.
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We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. We wish you all a blessed day and see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .