Updated: Nov 22, 2020
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"where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
Today let me write about something you don`t really see anyone talking about, and that is the real beauty of marriage. Unfortunately I have the feeling sometimes that our society intentionally wants to destroy the institute of marriage, the core of marriage itself. Than I`m asking myself why ??? Why is that in today`s society everything is about ME, ME and ME again. They say "just enjoy yourself and don`t pay attention on what others think or feel about you" This is the sickest ideology ever. This is the ideology of selfishness and self adoring, but people like it . They like it because it is flattering to adore them-self and do everything what you like and when and where you like no matter what. "Just don`t think and do not care about what your spouse or your parents or even your neighbor thinks about the behavior or lifestyle you have. Just enjoy yourself". Another one of my favorite "don`t change for anybody " But is there real joy in that kind of life. Did you ask yourself if you are fulfilled in that kind of selfish lifestyle??? Absolutely not. The only pleasant feeling you get is temporary and after that short joy fades away you will find yourself empty and you will realise soon that your life is not what you expected to be.
Than you try to fill the emptiness with alcohol or even drugs but unfortunately those things will offer temporary relief as well. But nobody ever want to talk about the possibility of getting real long lasting joy and happiness in your marriage/ life . Now you will probably say that " there we go, another freak christian story". But let me ask you to just read this post to the end than you can decide yourself if I`m actually writing fairy tails or this is the truth. So what would be the solution than??? First of all let me tell you this. In order to have a great happy marriage and a fulfilled life you have to start analyzing yourself, your lifestyle and not your spouse. Do not try to find guilt in others but in yourself. I do not want to enter too deep into this topic because this post will be too long but if you want to read about this topic please click on this link.
So how can you get real joy and happiness in your marriage???
Firstly and most importantly by giving !!! Give your love your devotion and your time to your wife and to your children . Did you ever ask yourself why in the Bible is emphasized so much to give selflessly. Care about others and love one another. If you look carefully you will realise that this is exact opposite of that selfish ideology what I described at the beginning. And I tell you from my personal experience that there is joy in giving your time and your love to your family. A long lasting joy and happiness. If you try, you will see that it will work. It will help you to build a deep love and affection towards your spouse and your family.
Secondly try to reorganize your priorities. What is the most important think in your life and in your marriage??? Many times I see people putting their jobs before the family and they try to justify by saying "I do this for you... so you can have all kind of things I could not have" Seriously???? Do not try to fool yourself!!! I did the same for many years when I was freshly married. I thought that if I bring home a lot of money they will be happy. Your wife does not want your money !!! (in certain cases she does but that`s a different story🤣🤣🤣) Your wife wants your love and your attention. Your children do not want the latest toys or clothes, they want their daddy. They want to play with you and spend time with you. Ones I arrived home from a business trip ( I did travel a lot across Europe for my business) and it was early in the morning . I went into the bedroom and my daughter (who was like 3-4 that time) just woke up. My wife looked at her and told her "look who`s here??? Daddy is home." My daughter looked at me and she said " He is not my daddy " I can tell you that it was the worst feeling I ever experienced. Like someone put a knife through my heart. That was the time when I started to think that I do not have my priorities in the right order. I knew that I will have to change because otherwise I will regret it later on,but than it will be too late to change.
Your God - Your Spouse - Your children and than yourself . This should be the order of priorities in your marriage and your life. God commanded to care for your marriage not for your job or for your hobby. After God himself and your faith in His son Jesus Christ the most important think in your life has to be your marriage your family. Men have the tendencies to put a soccer game in front of the family. You should know that a soccer game can be watched whenever you want, but once your kids will grow up that time you`ve lost with them will never be back again. Prioritize, prioritize prioritize!!!!
If you want a happy marriage you must set your priorities right. Will that be easy??? No it will not, but it will work out great and it does worth every single effort I guarantee you that. Many times you will feel that you should care about yourself because she does the same. But someone has to brake this crazy cycle. I don`t say that it is only the man or the woman`s responsibility to do all these things. It is on both of you. This is a two way street and sometimes one of you maybe does not act as he/she should, but remember that you are not perfect either and God still loves you and if you ask, He forgives your sins even though you do not deserve it. Try to act selflessly, love selflessly and give your time, attention selflessly. God wanted to give us something great something beautiful what will make your life more happy more colorful and that is the institute of marriage. His son Jesus Christ (who actually gave his life so you can get everlasting life) wants to be part of your marriage and if you allow Him and let Him be the link what holds you together, you will see that your life and your marriage will change. You will experience something what you didn`t before. Long lasting happiness and fulfilled marriage. This illustration will show what I mean .
So Jesus wants us to be happily married and He gave us instructions as well how to achieve that, how to keep and maintain our marriage. It is in the Bible, but many people would turn around and say "we will take our life in our own hand, we will decide what is good or what is bad for us. At the end of the day it is my own life." It is your own life and you neglect the instructions of God who created you and your spouse, but when you get in trouble within your marriage you will ask yourself so innocently "what did I do wrong, why is this happening to me???"
And the second most common question is "why God allow this or that to happen???"
"If He is God He could stop it " Let me ask you this. Why should He stop it? Why should He help you or anyone else who only neglects Him and disobey Him all the time? Once I heard a very good example about this. Let`s say that you sit in your living room and suddenly someone knocks on your door. You open the door and there is this young man standing over there and he starts to ask you all these questions about why did you allow all those bad things in his life. Why did you allow him to loose his house, his wife to leave him and his son to die? What would be the first question in your head??? I will tell you what. "Who are you man??? I do not know you at all !!! Why should I help you ??? I have nothing to do with your problems!!! That`s your own doing!!!"
It is the same with God. Why do we blame God and everyone else for our problems but not our-self ??? He does not know you if you only come to him when you have problems and you don`t know how to get out of those problems. And even if He helps you out, the minute you are fine you do not care about Him again. Many people will say that "God is love and He has to help me because He loves me." He does love you but in the same time He is a just and holy God, who hates sin and those who practice sin. Let`s see some examples from the Bible from Proverbs chapter 12 verse 22
Proverbs 15 verse 9.
Proverbs chapter 16 verse 5.
"Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD :though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished." As we can see lying, pride, and selfishness are things that God hates so it is not really advisable to keep that kind of lifestyle I suppose.
Not really promising is it not?? I think you got it. "So what`s the point than? " you might ask. Why should I even try??? Because He wants you to be happy but He will not force you to do something you do not want. If you will take a proud stand and turn away from Him, He will let you do that. He wants to forgive your sins but you can not stand proudly in front of Him.You do have to realise that you are a sinner, you have to humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. He wants only the best for you and for your family. That`s why He gave clear instructions in the Bible how to keep your marriage, and how to live your life as a christian. If you obey to Him and keep those instructions you will understand and experience a real fulfilling love in your marriage and in your life. Once (before I got saved) I asked myself this question. "Even if there is no haven or there is no God, What would I lose if I live according to the Bible?" What would I miss if I would live obeying to those commandments? The answer it was that NOTHING!!! I would not lose anything or I would not miss anything because those commandments are not restrictions but they are for our safety and happiness. I can tell you that after I got saved my marriage got better and better, my life was different completely. I am a happy fulfilled man who really appreciates what I have. A loving God who I can call Father, a beautiful wife who loves me and two beautiful children.
So I will finish here and I hope that you found it interesting and helpful.
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We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. So we will ask you to be so kind and share this post so others can see as well. We wish you all a blessed day and see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .