Updated: Nov 22, 2020
Why should a wife submit herself to her husband??? A master-plan for a perfect marriage, from the creator of the universe...
"Where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
Let me write a little bit about these two commandments from the Bible which I`m absolutely sure that most man and woman would like to frame it and put it on the wall so they can point on it every single time when they want to. But is it that simple???
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But let us get back to this interesting topic and see how can we actually fulfill these commandments if we want to obey God`s instructions for married couples. The first commandment is for the husband. ( every wife loves this Bible verse)
Colossians 3:19| "Husbands,love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
This is only one example of the many in the Bible where God specifically pointed out for the husband that he is obligated to love his wife. Let me start with the fact that the best place to go for marriage counseling/ advice is the Bible. Maybe some of you (secular persons) will say that "I do not believe the Bible so for me this is useless" But let me ask you to read this post just thinking realistically, open minded and without prejudice. You will realise that even if you don`t believe in God, His plan for marriage is spotless and perfect. There is nothing you would want to change in it.
Initially I was thinking to separate these two topics (husband love your wives/wives submit to your husband) but than again I realised that if you read them separately you will not understand as clear as you can when you see the whole picture together. So God created marriage, and He meant seriously when He thought that the marriage is for a lifetime. He want us to be happy in our marriage, and for that reason He set up a plan for you and me to follow it. Obviously it is your choice if you want to follow it or not but let me tell you from experience and by looking at the statistics, if you do not follow God`s plan you will most likely fail in your marriage. When I say "most likely" I mean looking at the statistics 45% of the marriages end up in divorce, but another 20-25 % are not happy together. They stay together, do not divorce but it`s not a dream marriage for them. God does not want you to suffer, but He wants you to have a happy marriage and a fulfilled life. So what is this plan He designed for us ??? It is actually very simple and yet difficult to fulfill, but if you are determined to follow it you will succeed.
Step nr 1. Husband love your wife.... In Ephesians chapter 5 the Bible says
But let us see some other duties a husband would have according to the Bible.
To present his bride to God throughout their lives as perfectly holy and virtuous as can be.
To be the spiritual leader of the house caring for her and his children`s spiritual well-being.
To protect his wife with his own life, physically, emotionally and "spiritually".
To "lay down" his life, counting her more important than himself.
To lead his wife and his family into the best things for them.
To be the best husband that he can be with God's power.
and to treat them as a delicate vessel and with honor (1 Peter 3:7).
To not withhold his body from her.
Looking at these duties it looks like God wants us (men) to love nurture and cherish our wife. He wants us to make sure that she feels secure and fulfilled in the marriage.
So is it easy to love our wives like our own body? No it`s not and believe me I struggle with it as well from time to time, but with God`s grace I become better and better in it. And let`s not forget that after the first 5-6 years of marriage that big passionate love will slowly slowly fade away and if you do not invest work/commitment into your relationship,it will be absolutely difficult or I could say almost impossible to love her as much as yourself. But if you do invest commitment you will see that when that passionate love will fade away in the same proportion a much deeper and stronger love will take it`s place . That is the reason why I can say that after 25 years of marriage I do love my wife much more than at the beginning of our marriage. Many people will say that love is a feeling and it has to come by itself. That is not true!!! You have to work on it. The example sometimes even if you don`t feel like you want to hug your wife you should still do that. Maybe you are tired and you just want to sleep but she is talking and talking, in that case you should show interest even if you don`t feel like, engage into the conversation and you will see that with time these kind of sacrifices will have huge positive effect on your marriage. In other words you have to stop thinking selfishly and start thinking selflessly. Let me tell you an example from our life. I never liked washing dishes or cooking. My father raised us with the theory that a man`s job is to provide for his family and the wife`s job is to cook, wash the dishes, clean the house so on, so on. But when I decided to work on my marriage, I did realise that I will have to make sacrifices to show her that I appreciate her. So I started to help her with the dishes and I started to cook some simple meals. Did I want to do those things at the beginning? Absolutely not. Did she appreciate it ??? Absolutely yes. You would be surprised that (for you) a small think like helping with the dish washer how great it is for her. Not the fact that you wash the dishes, but the intention and the feeling that you appreciate her. You want to help her.
Sometimes you should give up a rugby match and instead spend time with her. All these kind of small things for her they are huge things. Buy a flower or a small chocolate or any small attention and you will see that it will make her day shine. Remember that she need`s to feel that she is wanted and loved and appreciated. It takes work, time and sacrifice but think on it as an investment in you and you children`s happiness . Think on it like fulfilling your duties what God commanded you to do and do not expect anything in return. She will appreciate it you will see.
Now let`s get to step nr 2. This commandment is to the woman (every man loves it)
Ephesians 5:22|Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. I had a conversation about this with my 21 years old daughter who has a kind of feminist way of thinking and simply she can not understand why she should submit herself to her future husband? Obviously if you are not a christian it might be difficult to understand it or to realize it, but do not worry because sometimes even christian women finds it difficult to do it. Because our selfish nature does not like to hear these kind of things. But is it actually degrading to a woman to submit to her husband??? If you take into consideration the first step (men`s duties) it will be easier I am sure about that. That is the reason I did not separate these two subjects (although it would be so many things to discuss about both of these steps)
So is it actually difficult to submit to your husband??? Well my wife could talk about this in details but let me tell you what she told me. "If I feel that for you I am the most important person, that you love me more than anything and I know that I can trust you, it is actually not that difficult to submit to you."
You see God`s plan was to create a win-win situation for us. If a man will keep his duties and the wife as well, they both win. They both benefit from it. God created the woman to be a "suitable help for her husband" Let us see what the Bible say about this.
In Genesis chapter 2 it says ...
19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
A suitable help .... Does that mean she is less important than the man??? No not at all. God loves her as much as every man and honestly as a husband and as a man I can tell you that if you have a christian wife, I would be careful how to treat that daughter of God. She is as valuable as any child of God and believe me when I say that you will answer to God if you mistreat her by any means. Do not even think to take advantage of her because she was commanded to submit to you. Because you are responsible in front of God to fulfill your duties in the fist place. So what is her duty in the marriage???
Ephesians 5:22|Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
The Christian wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33)
Titus 2:4 calls for wives “to love their husbands"
Proverbs 31:10-31, we read about the wife of noble character.
Proverbs 31 shares that a biblical wife is clothed in strength and dignity
Second Corinthians 3.3 A Christian wife imitates Christ in their daily life. She brings honor and glory to God in her marriage.
Genesis 2:18 To Be a Companion and support to Her Husband
These are a few of those duties which are in the Bible and every Christian wife supposed to take it seriously. So husband and wife supposed to be one flash not two . And God says " Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). In order to have a successful and fulfilled marriage, we must be focused on Jesus. A Christian couple will make sure Christ is at the head of the marriage. They are not alone. Jesus Christ is with them day by day. Both of them will try as hard as they can to look at Christ and to fulfill their duties as it was commanded.
My wife and myself we have a happy and fulfilled marriage by grace of God. It`s not our merit that our marriage is good. We try to honor Christ and obey to God`s commandments every day of our marriage. But He rewarded us abundantly with a happy and fulfilled marriage.
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We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. So we will ask you to be so kind and share this post so others can see as well. We wish you all a blessed day and see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .