Updated: Nov 22, 2020
We at hopeofmarriage.com are determined to try to inspire you and others, in the same time we firmly believe that there is hope for your marriage. Just do not give up!!!!
First of all I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this blog post. I really hope that there will be something in it to inspire you and help you out in your marriage difficulties. In some of my blog posts I was talking about the differences between man and women, the mentality and behavior differences and how this would affect the marriage??? I do think that to understand how your husband/wife thinks (or how is his/her brain wired to function) is a very important step in your journey towards a better marriage.
So let`s talk about Pink or Blue...
What do I actually think when I say pink or blue? Dr Emerson Eggerichs has a short video about this topic and I will link that video here so you can watch it because most likely you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed it. He is talking about this topic in depth in his Love&Respect marriage seminar/conference (which I think that it is absolutely helpful and very inspiring) and there he explains his theory about the different mentality and behavior between man and woman. We were created differently so we are different .
Basically what he means is that man and woman can actually say the same sentence and understand different things. You can see in the video he uses the example of " I have nothing to ware" . When a woman will say this small sentence she will actually understand that she has nothing new in her wardrobe. The same sentence from a man will be understood different. He will actually mean that he has nothing clean to wear.
So women will speak "through a pink megaphone and they hear through a pink hearing aid", but man will "speak through a blue megaphone and he will hear everything through a blue hearing aid". That`s why so many times there are misunderstandings between spouses or married couples because she will say something but he will actually think that she meant something else. And it is actually true. I have to say that when I heard first time this theory I was truly shocked how much I did recognize our example and many problems caused by this difference. Let`s have a look at an example from my marriage. We were married for like 3 years or so and one evening when I go home from work I saw on my wife`s face that something is wrong. I don`t know if you are the same but I knew my wife so well that even just looking at her expression I did realize that there is something wrong. So I asked her "What`s wrong? " She said .... "Nothing..." Than I asked her " why do you have that trouble face?" She answered.... "No I don`t"
So I thought that she`s just moody or something and I went into the living room switched the TV on and started to look at it. After a few hours we prepared to go to bed she started to complain about me not being there for her, not supporting her and so on so on...... It was like a lightning from clear sky. I told her that "Did I asked you what`s wrong when I arrived home?" She said "Yes" . So I said I don`t really understand the problem because you told me that you have no problem even though I asked you twice.
"So how did you figure out that I`m not there for you when I did ask you?" Her answer was ( and listen carefully here) "I thought that you will realize that something is wrong with me and even if I don`t tell you you will be able to feel what`s wrong" " If you would really love me you would know what`s wrong with me!!!" Now this was the point when everything started to sound Chinese to me. I was like " So you say that even though I asked you what`s wrong and you answered nothing twice, I still have to know what`s wrong???? She said "Yes" OK I gave up. Than it followed a two hour conversation where I was again lost and she started to cry because I do not love her and I do not support her. At the end when already it was like 3.00 in the morning I made the mistake to tell her that I`m sleepy and in the morning at 7 I do have to go to work. That was the last drop in the cup.....
But what was actually wrong??? Why I did not understand her???
Actually nothing was wrong. But because I did not know that time how a woman will think and react in certain situation I was kind of lost. You see if a man will tell you that he has no problem, he really has no problem. If he does have a problem, when you ask him, he will pour at you like a hot shower. But not the woman. She will want you to figure it out yourself, because than she can see that she is important to you, that you actually are interested in her problem. Maybe it is a banal small issue but it can escalate to a big problem because of this mentality difference. If a man wants you to spend time with him, he will tell you to spend time with him. But not a woman. The example if you come home from work and you ask your wife if it is a problem if you watch the soccer match? She will say "OK" and later on she will complain that you don`t love her because you don`t want to spend time with her, but instead you want to watch the soccer match. Even though you asked her and she said it`s OK it`s actually not OK to her. Because she want`s you to stay with her without her request. She want`s you to realize yourself that for her it is very important that time you spend together and discuss some things (which again might not be as important to you ) she has to see that you really want to spend time with her. Maybe you ask your wife if she want`s flower for Valentine`s day? She might say "no not important" but it is very important to her. She want`s you to realize yourself and do it without being told to do so. If she has to say it it is not the same for her. For a man it makes no difference. But for her it does. This is a huge problem many times and most of the man will not understand why his wife acting strange? Because for him it is something normal but for her it is not normal at all. Pink and Blue!!!
If you really want to understand her, you have to try to think as she`s thinking. You have to try to put on a "pink hearing aid" And on the other side she has to realize that you are different and you will need a different approach. So she should start using a blue megaphone when she`s talking to you. Because you are created different, both of you will have to compromise and work on this, actually try to understand the mentality of your spouse. You are different!!! "NOT WRONG JUST DIFFERENT"
If you decide to work on your marriage and invest time and effort in it, I won`t say that it will be easy. If you are a christian couple it will be easier ( if you want to know the reason why do I say that it will be easier for Christians please click on this link https://www.hopeofmarriage.com/post/why-a-christian-marriage-has-to-be-different-from-others) but still you need to put in a lot of effort . We promised in front of God that we will protect our marriage, that we will be together until death do us apart. So let`s keep this promise, let`s try everything we can do to make this holly matrimony better and happier. God created the institute of marriage. He want`s you to be happy together with your wife/husband and your children who are a blessing from Him.
I really hope that you will have an idea what is this difference I was talking about, and if you want to understand more about this topic please feel free and contact us with your questions . You can do it even without sharing your details if you do not feel comfortable to do so. We are really concerned about your marriage and we will try everything we can to help you out with advice.
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I wish I can inspire others with my personal experience and I do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. I wish you all a blessed day and I`ll see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .