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"Where there is selfishness there is no happiness"
First of all let me wish you a warm welcome and thank you for taking the time and read this blog post. I really hope that today you will find something interesting and inspiring in this post or in the other ones. I do want to encourage you to browse around and read our posts from different topics. If you like this post or the others please feel free to subscribe to our site, like/share this post so others can see as well. By doing it you will contribute so we can reach as many people as possible and hopefully help as much as we can.
Well today let`s talk about something what happened or happens or it will happen in every marriage and that is arguing. (let me correct myself because there might be some wonder marriages out there where spouses do not argue ????) So why is arguing bad for your marriage ??? You might ask the question, and generally speaking it is fair question because we are all different people with different personalities and different hobbies or habits, so as the result we will argue about different things and decisions. And that is not necessarily has to be bad on it`s own. Differences in opinion and telling those differences to your spouse is an active part of communication and of the journey to get to know each other better. (if we can ever get to know our wife....) Sorry that was a joke but I could not resist. Anyway the issue is not the differences and the argument about those differences but the way we argue and the way we act/react on these differences. We can have an argument on a polite and calm way and we can have arguments where we call each other on different beautiful and loving names or in worst case scenario even throw things around or on each other. Now don`t get to excited to say that " Oh that could never happen to us" because you do not even realise how easy it is to get in the trap of our profoundness and selfishness. It will never start with throwing things around but mostly with minor and pitiful arguments but slowly and surely it goes worst and worst every time it happens again. That`s why you have to be alert, watch these signs to be able to prevent growing away from each other. Like I said in many of my blog posts me and my wife are so different that literally no-one can be more different than us. And still we have a happy and fulfilled marriage. How`s that even possible? Do you think we do not argue or we did not argue in the past? Oh boy .... how to explain this ??? The first 4-5 years of our marriage was hell on earth. We argued on everything and when I say everything I mean everything. Even if a fly was in the kitchen we found the possibility to argue about it. I`m joking but seriously we argued unbelievably often. The example, I like to shop and she doesn`t .... Wait a second a woman who doesn`t like shopping ???? Is that kind of woman even exist??? Sorry ladies I know this is a stereotype and it was a joke again but my wife truly doesn`t like shopping. So because of this difference we argued a lot because many times I spent some money on things I did not need at all. But this is only one example. Anyway how did we succeed ??? What is the secret ??? It is very simple and straight forward. Sometimes you have to give up your will for the sake of peace between you and secondly you have to act/speak lovingly even if you don`t feel like you want to do that. Even if your spouse seems like he/she is disrespectful with you do not act the same way with him/her. Now you might think that I`m out of my mind because that means you will have to humble yourself in front of him/her, and yes that`s what I`m suggesting. Now.... if you are a christian man/woman this will be a bit easier but if you are a secular person it is doable as well. It won`t be easy but it is doable. And why would be easier for a christian man/woman? ( at least that`s how it should be and if it`s not that means you really have to re-evaluate your relationship with your Savior) Because christian people should always act/react in a way that will not offend others, especially their spouses. They know that God requested from them to love one another. They also should realise that by not doing it they would disobey God`s commandment and that would draw some consequences. A christian man knows that his purpose in marriage is firstly to love his Savior Jesus Christ, secondly to love his wife and cherish her, thirdly to love his children and tell them/teach them about God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ. So that`s why it is easier for a Christian to humble himself because he/she is not doing for his/her spouse but because he want to be obedient to his Father. There is a very good movie about a similar situation and it is really inspiring.
The title is "Fireproof" and you can find it on many online sites. I really would suggest to watch it because we all can learn a lot from it. You can see the dangers and the unwanted situations you can get yourself in, when you act selfishly and you do not pay attention to your spouse. In many situations it is difficult to give up our will, especially if you think that you are right but it is necessary if you want to have peace between you and your spouse. That`s what we do day by day. Sometimes I give up my will and sometimes she will give up her will. This is a journey where you have to work together in order to get the best result. Both of you should agree to work on it but sometimes one of the spouses doesn`t want to humble him/herself. Even than it is for your best interest to act lovingly and kindly towards him/her, because believe me by doing that you will have a much better chance to see positive reaction. Will that be easy???? No definitely not but if you want to have a happy marriage you have to give as well not only receive. You have to love as well not only be loved. You have to love and respect your spouse not only when he/she deserve it but always. Imagine if God would love us only when we deserve. Would that be any good to us??? I don`t think so.
Think about this and love your spouse because he/she is the one you married. He/she is the one you supposed to grow old and lastly do not forget that whatever example you will give to your children they will do the same most likely. Would you like to give them a positive example??? Would you like to impact their life in a positive and constructing way? If yes than work on your marriage because the better your marriage is the safer your children will feel. You can not give a better gift to them than the fact that their daddy is loving their mummy. They feel safe and happy when they see that you are happy.
So I will finish here and I hope that you found it interesting and helpful.
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We wish we can inspire others with our personal experience and we do hope that some of you out there who have problems in your marriage will decide to fight for it and do not give up. So we will ask you to be so kind and share this post so others can see as well. We wish you all a blessed day and see you in the next one.
Attila and Julia .